@joeljeffrey: I waited around all morning for the mailman so I could grab his hand through the mail slot.
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@seandunn76: This total stranger wanted to have a spontaneous tickle fight on the street and...oh...nope, never mind I'm being robbed. Guys I'm being rob
@JimGaffigan: When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one should be that happy.
@noog: Me: Goodnight Moon Moon: Well hi there. I can’t hear you because I’m 240,000 miles away and sound doesn’t travel in space. Die in a fire.
@amazymay72x: Me: Cleaning the basement. 12yo boy: Let me know if u need help. 13yo girl: Let me know when you're done. Yep...throwing out HER crap.