@seamussaid: I wake my daughter up by tossing pebbles at her window so the first time a suitor tries she'll have the same response we do to alarm clocks
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@MavenofHonor: The worst thing about coming home from a trip isn't unpacking, it's the looming threat of nuclear war
@stephenjmolloy: Mugger: "Hand over your stuff! No funny business!" *I give him my wallet and phone but not my business proposal to open a clown college*
@Robski_Boy: If I reach 700 followers, I'm gonna tweet naked for the next hour. Won't do much for you guys, but it'll certainly liven up Starbucks.
@TheBoydP: The book I bought on dog training doesn't seem to be working. I don't think she's even reading it.