@Elizasoul80: I walk around in public saying "wait for me guys" so everyone thinks I have friends.
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@iwearaonesie: me[holding wife's shirt] Can this go in the dryer? wife:What does it say on the tag? me:Gap wife:The other tag me:Oh wife me:Made in Vietnam
@Ideal_Victoria: Me: Ugh! I never know what to say in these situations... Friend: You say 'good morning' back
@jessokfine: People always throwing cursed objects into the sea hello, no that is how you get haunted sharks
@Mom_Overboard: Cop: You there! Hands over your head! Me: *raises hands* *30 avocados fall out of shirt* Cop: Holy guacamole!