@Elizasoul80: I walk around in public saying "wait for me guys" so everyone thinks I have friends.
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@thistletat13: There seems to be a direct correlation between how many rosaries you have hanging on your rearview and how shitty a driver you are.
@Smug_Lemur: [God creating the octopus] Idk, maybe make it look like the time I tried to cram the old pool noddles into a trash bag.
@WouldbeAllen: JACOB MARLEY: 3 ghosts will visit you! ME: do u count? JM: what ME: you're a ghost. Do u count? JM: dude this the kinda shit they don't like
@webofevil: Genuinely stunned France has adopted the word "wifi" rather than "le signal librement accessible sans l'utilisation de fils" or some shit.