@dksc4life: I walk in the kitchen and see a note on the refrigerator. "The kids and I are leaving you. I want a divorce." Shocked, I break down in tears, wondering where it all went wrong. The husband is crying too, at which point I realize I'm in the wrong house.
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@wendchymes: Fight club but just dueling neighbor's aggressively leaf blowing leaves onto each other's lawns.
@hamishblake: Would love to see a reality show where they promise the prize will "change contestants lives FOREVER"...and it's a brain swap with a cow.
@tudorgrrrl: How come I can get free wifi with a $3 cup of coffee but I can't get it with a $150 hotel room?
@FatherWithTwins: 4yo: Can I have some more Easter candy? Me: After lunch 4yo: I want lunch right now. I'm starving!! Me: We just ate breakfast 4yo: Starving!