[i walk up to a woman wearing headphones and take them off her and put them on] nice this song rules. what? sorry, can't talk. headphones on

@BestWorstAdvice: Roosters are just edible alarm clocks

39

@Brampersandon_: [Me]: *slams fork & knife down on table* Not cool, babe. [Wife]: You didn't honestly think there'd be weed in your pot pie, did you?

54

@junejuly12: My doctor said my cervix is perfect. I'm still blushing.

840

@robfee: Why'd it take Little Red Riding Hood so long to figure out it wasnt her grandma? I can tell after like 2 questions if its a wolf or my nana

40

@MommaUnfiltered: The guy at the gym said rest days are really important, so I've been resting for 6 years.

1

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