@LerbsyCherbs: I walk with a limp so people think I have a gun in my boot. And because I sprained my ankle running away from a moth.
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@_davidlucas_: The shortest distance between two points is over a cyclist. ~Australian drivers, apparently.
@JohnnyCrash5: *Eats a Lean Cuisine *20 minutes go by. *Devours entire Pizza Hut store...including employees.
@TheTweetOfGod: Earth was the first world I created. It has all kinds of problems. #firstworldproblems
@bombsydoll: *Buys map of world, pins up on wall *Throws dart, swears to visit wherever it lands *hits wall outlet *has amazing time being electrocuted