@teacup_giraffe: I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you're right fellas, men are smarter than women.
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@thepunningman: [Restaurant] "Good evening sir, would you like to hear the specials?" Yes please "THIS TOWN (AHH AHHH) IS COMIN LIKE A GHOST TOWN"
@BBQJones28: Shout out to the dude who's followed and unfollowed approximately 25632 times this week.
@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend said she wants a fairy-tale life. So I've trapped her in her gran's bedroom with a wolf.