@jergarl: I walked out naked one time and she's like wtf. And I'm like this is how god made me! And she's like no that's how beer and tacos made you.
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@david8hughes: [steps off treadmill] "Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee] you like f-fitness? Cos I'm fitn--" "Shall I call an ambulance?" "Please."
@EJGomez: judas: yo jesus: sup judas [hiding crocs behind back]: would u like if someone bought you crocs jesus: id rather be betrayed lmao judas: wow
@FattMernandez: One of my biggest fears is that before I die, spiders will evolve the ability to coordinate their legs and run like horses.
@armyantstudios: My doctor told me to get a lot of rest and fluids so I've been on a drunk rage in my bedroom since 1988.