@Pirate_nurse: I wanna be the reason you're comfortable with your prostate examination
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@JB4Realz: [Reality TV] HOST: Welcome to America's Next Top Psychic! Please, try not to-- *One contestant stands up*: I WON! H: --ruin it.
@Darlainky: Interviewer- Marlene, what inspired you to pursue a life of comedy? Marlene- Well, I'm glad you asked... *Mouth directly on mic* YOUR FACE
@TheSwanDon: Girls quote Marilyn Monroe relationship and life advice so much its almost like she wasn't a three time divorced, drug-addicted alcoholic.
@abbycohenwl: *releases helium-filled heart balloon* Me: You're free now Balloon: Ima choke a bird