@Pirate_nurse: I wanna be the reason you're comfortable with your prostate examination
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@SteveSuckington: Van Gogh's girlfriend: my dearest Vincent, lend me your ear Him: cuts ear off Her: I just wanted u to listen to me Him: nah, I'm good
@DothTheDoth: Don't invite me over unless you are trying to secretly transfer a possessed artifact to me.
@KeetPotato: cop: [bangs on door] "open up, its the police" me: [flushing snickers multi-packs i sell individually down toilet] "two seconds"