@ewfeez: I wanna work at a bank so I can get that employee discount on money
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@Donna_McCoy: If your family goes to church on Christmas morning, be grateful. This may be your only chance to lock them out of the house.
@Maui_Speaks: My wife just told me she read all 1800 of my tweets. I feel like I did when I was 10 and my mom found that magazine under the mattress....
@Henry_3k: My therapy group is a joke. The doctor is supposed to match you with people you have something in common with but everyone here is nuts.
@_NTFG_: We woke up to a noise. I grabbed a bat. He grabs a can of body spray. "Really? Gunna make this burglar irresistible to women huh?"