@TuffyNyC: I wanna work for a company where if you pass the drug test you get fired.
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@stephenjmolloy: [Gameshow] Host: "You are one question away from our grand prize. How do you feel?" Me: "With my hands." Host: "Correct!" *crowd goes nuts*
@Sarcasticsapien: When people say things like "You can't change the past" I can't help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
@animadvertguy: WIFE: really? ME: uh? WIFE: 20 mins and you haven't noticed? ME: oh! hair looks nice, hun WIFE: [crossing her 1 arm] I had my surgery today.
@sammyrhodes: Probably a good thing I'm not a ghost cause I'd just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.