@TravLeBlanc: I wanna write a tweet that is so good that I can retire and just live off the retweets for the rest of my life.
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@NoToFeminism: I don’t need feimsm i like my men to be REAL MEN! the worst day of my life was when i realised i had mistakenly married a big bag of oranges
@clarkekant: I wish everyone would stop vaccinating their children. It’s really cutting down these lines at Disneyland!
@TeaAndCopy: Punctuality is important. It's the difference between helping your uncle jack off a horse and arriving late to find he's already done it.
@Tommytoughstuff: [briefing] CIA DIRECTOR: We have a leak... CIA PLUMBER: (slowly stands up) CIA DIRECTOR: In our operation. CP: (slowly sits back down)