@AsYouNotWish: I want 2 kids just in case the first one doesn't get enough likes on Instagram.
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@outsmartedmommy: The 3yo insisted on helping me put all the laundry away. It's only taken us 6 hours & 10 minutes & apparently pants go in the fridge now.
@GianDoh: All toilet seats can be heated toilet seats if you push people off them and sit real fast.
@othersome: I'm not the hero Gotham deserves. I'm Pete I work at Subway. Do u want extra meetballs.
@behindyourback: If you're afraid of public speaking, just imagine everyone in the audience is on their phones not listening to you anyway.