@CelebrityGaucho: I want a car horn that shouts obscenities.
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@3sunzzz: Even if you're really tired, never try to hold your eyes open using toothpicks. DAMN YOU 1970'S CARTOONS AND ALL OF YOUR FALLACIES!
@HatfieldAnne: The lawn guy asks to use my bathroom. A flicker of doubt. Is it safe to have a stranger in my house? Do I put out the fancy soap?
@elle91: Accidentally taught my dog to play dad instead of play dead and now he won't stop barking at me when I try to touch the thermostat