@CelebrityGaucho: I want a car horn that shouts obscenities.
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@awkwardphilippe: If you love someone, throw your earbuds at them. There's a good chance they'll be entangled in them and won't be able to run.
@iamburtjarvis: british waiter: what topping would ye fancy on yer pizza? british guy: tea british waiter: jolly good choice [both laugh britishingly]
@JasonLastname: Doesn't count, officer, you forgot to read me my amanda rights! "Your what?" You know, my... [mumbles] banana rights.
@newcastlecourt: Jimmy Bathwater, 27 of Howdon, pleaded guilty to roundhousing a seagull out the sky. He was fined £300 despite how impressive that sounds