@CelebrityGaucho: I want a car horn that shouts obscenities.
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@EliTerry: Many people are surprised to hear I'm married because I scream it at them as I descend from their broken skylight in the dead of night.
@Not_DeeAnn: First thing heard on the news: "You're gonna be wet by this time tomorrow morning". Kinda looking forward to Tuesday now
@NicestHippo: *tries online dating* Oh…oh no *tries real life dating* Ok this is actually worse somehow
@Retacof: Officer: You were speeding. Me: I am trying to keep up with traffic. O: There Is no traffic. M: I am really far behind.