@ShortWhiteNUgly: I want a girl who asks me to do things that I have to Google.
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@suzieQ0007: My 4yo just noticed me trying to throw out an old, wrecked piece of Lego & by the look he gave me I'm afraid to go to sleep now.
@rage_chaos: You think you're pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Why were you speeding? Me: SHE'S IN LABOR! Cop: That's a beach ball in a wig. Me: Cop: Me: I don't think I'm the father. Cop: Get out.
@dreamthievin: I climbed on this seesaw with Rick Astley 3 hours ago. *sigh He's never gonna let me down.