@sgrstk: I want a girl who's crazy, but considerate. Like, if she stays home on a Friday night, she's not resting — she's giving the world a break.
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@LouisPeitzman: This is probably going to sound really gay, but the sunset is GORGEOUS right now and I love making out with dudes.
@nicfit75: My kids are giving all the people on this plane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
@VerifiedDrunk: A heart-shaped pizza just means less pizza and that's not a sacrifice I'm willing to make for love.
@bombscribe: If a coworker has two apples in his right hand and two oranges in his left hand, what does he have? No chance of blocking an uppercut.