@SortaBad: I want a lady in the streets and a billion dollars
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@_ElvishPresley_: [Obama giving Trump the White House tour] O: and here's the toaster, it tends to stick so don't be afraid to jam a fork in to get it workin
@TheBoydP: Protip: If you're walking in your office taking deep breaths because someone made popcorn, don't forget to stop as you enter the restroom.
@GrandadJFreeman: Another Twilight movie?God I hope Abraham Lincoln shows up and slays every last one of them.
@AwkwardTwitts: "Wow, you're tall.. Do you play basketball?" "Wow, you're short. Do you play mini golf?"