@TheBoydP: Not to brag but my wife just mentioned fireworks in the bedroom to me. She wants me to keep them somewhere else until the 4th but still...

@JamesHavoc: Sometimes I think we are capable of great things as a species, but then I notice how many people can't put their shopping cart away.

@k_lli: If you capitalize 'him' in your tweets I'm gonna automatically assume you're subtweeting god.

@AZHORSEMOM77: I act really tough for a person who spent $40 on cookies I dont like because a girl scout  was crying

@Brampersandon_: INTERVIEWER: what do you consider your greatest strength ME: ... INTERVIEWER: ... ME (38 minutes later): I'd say promptness