@tehaveragejoel: I want a Times New Roman on the streets and a Wingdings in the sheets.
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@Tipocazzuto: Her: did you accidentally take an extra Ambien? Me: why? Her: who vacuums their bed? Me: the unicorns like a clean place to lay.
@amishschool: Me teaching Wilderness Survival Class: "OK EVERYBODY WATCH CAREFULLY AS I DRIVE *AWAY* FROM THE WILDERNESS."
@Dutch_50: When the cleaning lady say's "Have a good night", I try to time it so we say it in unison. Then I say our "You too" response in harmony.