@tehaveragejoel: I want a Times New Roman on the streets and a Wingdings in the sheets.
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@faungirl123: I'll sleep when I'm dead. And eat, watch tv, hang out in people's attics, death can't keep me from doin shit
@philboringphil: Overheard on the bus: "Stop eavesdropping on our conversation, it's creepy and you won't get any funny tweets out of it"
@CerebralWreck: Wife [interrogating]: How long have we been married dear? Me: How dare you try and sneak maths into this.