@pakalupapito: i want all the extra fat on my body to fall off and turn into cash
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@MrRamBillings: One time I was so high, my flatscreen fell off the wall and I thought it was just part of the movie.
@thebeavs: When God was handing out obstacles I thought he said popsicles and said I'll take one of each variety.
@truegritrumble: ACCOUNTANT: *taking a look at my books* These are just winky-face emojis. ME: Yep. ACCOUNTANT: I think I know why your business is failing.