@DirtyMelodies: I want my boyfriend to get a tattoo on his neck so I won't have to worry about him getting a job and not having time to hang out with me.
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@realHamOnWry: According to the most current magazine in this doctor's office, every home in America will have a television by 1962.
@chimneyspotter: *reads online that you should befriend your coworkers with some water cooler talk* ME (to coworker): So, are you into water coolers?
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: Hello Teacher: Hello M: How's my kid doing in school? T: How's my kid doing in school? I hate parrot teacher conferences
@gavinpivott: A really hot girl asked me for my number today and all I had to do was hit her car with my car.