@DepecheALAmode: I want my funeral to be sad and completely serious. Then right when my coffin starts lowering into the ground the song from Tetris plays.
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@poizngrl: Going to Walmart with my mom and kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working! *eye twitches
@ipalatsky: Old superstition: When wife laughs at your jokes: It means you have guests in the house.
@Mehrwane: Facebook: You have more friends on Facebook than you think. Me: You have higher expectations than you think.
@UNTRESOR: "How did you sleep?" "On my back, mostly. At one point I tried to climb into my dryer but I couldn't fit."