@NYC_Blonde: I want my headstone to read "loving wife, evil dictator".
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@1slowery1: *Creates Animals* God: They're magnificent. Angel: Some of ur best work. Man: Which ones go on pizza?
@KeetPotato: wife: "just break it to him gently" me: "ok ill try" [tucking son in bed] me: [opening story book] "once upon a time your grandma's dead"
@Storminika: *Attempts to give a Homeless guy change* Him: Thanks. You never know, one day my situation might be you. Me: Really? *holds on to change*
@T_N_Crumpets: Rival Gang Leader: Me: Rival Gang Leader's mom: [nudges son] go on Rival Gang Leader: sorry I tried to shoot you