@Breadery: I want my hearse to have 'JUST DIED' written on the windshield with cans tied to the rear bumper.
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@TheMichaelRock: Ladies, if he leaves the stickers on his hat, that's his way of telling you he won't pay child support.
@daemonic3: [at funeral] FRIEND: I'm sorry for your loss ME: Thanks, I would have won our fantasy league if my QB didn't get injured FRIEND: I meant for your wife ME: It's ok, now she'll never know I lost
@novicefather: I enjoy jogging in the mountains because nature is beautiful and cardiac arrest excites me.