@samalmightysam: I want my marriage to be a forever one night stand, laughing and joking, beer drinking, dancing, pizza in bed kinda relationship.
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@aka_fatman: I start undressing you with my eyes. About halfway through, your zipper gets caught on my cornea and I start screaming in agony.
@david8hughes: [job int] "& what are your strengths." Me: lions "Lions?" Me: I'll take [lion walks by the office] I- [quietly] I'll take on any lion
@Abusitron: [leaving 5 minute voicemail] ...and you can reach me at [deep breath] *says phone number as fast as possible, slurring the numbers together*
@Parker_Simpson: wonder if ppl who watch the show Finding Bigfoot are aware that every episode they watch will end with them not finding Bigfoot...