@HelloCullen: I want my tombstone to just say "You should see the other guy" on it
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@tonsmorecowbell: Somewhere in Africa, a bunch of orphans are about to be running around in confederate flag shirts.
@3sunzzz: Who is that walking up my driveway?! Anxiety in 3...2...1... [knock, knock] *sigh* "WAIT A SECOND!" *mumbles* "I need to find pants."
@RuffaloShuffle: *Dad enters room dressed as Han Solo* "May divorce be with you" "What?" "Your mother and I are getting a divorce. I figured I'd make it fun"