@cogentanalysis: "I want the box where I poop to smell like my poop or else I won't want to poop there. Whoa whoa, not THAT much like my poop! Jesus!" - cats
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@CYComedy: My goal weight is for my waiter to ask me if I want a salad with my meal without bursting into laughter.
@NickSchug: If I worked at a pizza place I would use pepperoni to spell out "Marry me?" on pizzas all the time just to make things awkward for couples.
@bazecraze: Making fun of someone's age is like mocking them for getting hit by a train because you're standing a little further down the tracks.