@imchriskelly: i want the first line of my obituary to be about how i once used an umbrella three different times before losing it
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@patnspankme: I haven't been this confused about what's going on since The Cranberries yodeled that one song about zombies.
@Storminika: I can't sleep; so I went out & got 2 donuts, glued them to my eyes, climbed up a tree & pretended I'm an owl.
@salamingia: "Google, how long will my trip to Cleveland take? "Your trip will take 5 hours" "Google, I have a child. "Your trip will take 9 hours".