@imchriskelly: i want the first line of my obituary to be about how i once used an umbrella three different times before losing it
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@KalvinMacleod: HER: this isn't working out ME: is it because I'm too literal? HER: I just don't want to see you any more ME: ok *gently closes her eyes*
@CollegeHumor: Apparently the Burger King account is suspended while they think of a stronger password than "horsemeat".
@rambo_dogg: If Romeo & Juliet didn't die and were allowed to marry, they'd have kids, get fat, and eventually hate each other. So it was a happy ending