@joe_binkley: I want to be a server at a restaurant that serves fish jelly, just so when people order it, I can say "I don't think you're ready."
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@mynameshank: Super productive day, I took down all of my neighbor's outdoor Christmas decorations.
@Advil: Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."
@ShutUpThatsWho: [ad for umbrellas] [cut to me trying to swat away raindrops, just getting totally wet] "There must be a better way!" Voiceover: UMBRELLAS
@fro_vo: ER Doc: you know you could have avoided these 3rd degree burns by walking away from the explosion at regular speed Me: did it look cool tho