@runningmascara6: I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile, then walk into a pole..
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@AndyAsAdjective: I've spent the better part of my day trying to figure out why "mustache" & "headache" don't rhyme.
@pauleggleston: Security Guard: Can I see your ID card? Me: *flashes card quickly* SG: Show me your card again. Me: Bit weird, but OK... *flashes cardigan*
@MarcusTheToken: I left some acorns in the spot where I killed a squirrel because I'm thoughtful. Also because a gang of squirrels burned a cross in my yard.