@SamGrittner: I want to become a librarian so bad. I love books but I love telling people to shut up even more.
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@briancthayer: Wife: Could you be dehydrated? Me: Of course not. W: How much water have you had? Me: Two coffees & a bourbon. W: Wow. Me: Told you.
@Inconsteveable: My New Year's resolutions: 1. Stop making lists. B. Be more consistent. 7. Learn to count.
@CoopSoSarc: Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
@LunchJournals: "I'm a big fan of 50 cent. Or as he's known in Zimbabwe: four hundred million dollars."