@SamGrittner: I want to become a librarian so bad. I love books but I love telling people to shut up even more.
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@BMcCarthy32: NFL catch rules are absurd. "Even though it looked like he caught it, he hadn't accepted the ball into his heart. Therefore, incomplete."
@mean_spice: [bedroom] Me getting out whipped cream: I've been waiting for this Gf: kinky, I like it Me already eating pie: what
@Midgetspar: I get it. True beauty comes from within. But until true beauty can wear lingerie and give a mean lap dance, I may have a few shallow moments
@Fred_Delicious: Comic Sans walks into a bar. Barman says "sorry we don't serve your type in here"