@ratamack: I want to date a girl who is willing to solve any disagreements with impromptu light-saber battles.
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@Jenny4ashley: [speed dating] Me: Have you ever choked someone? "No I would never do something like that" Me: Next
@unbub_: a great headline for when there is a world wide fresh water shortage will be "water we gonna do??" we will need the laughs
@murrman5: [family hears me pull in driveway] wife: please don't wrestling announcer: sorry ma'am he already paid me. NOW ENTERING THE HOUSE FROM WORK