@JermHimselfish: I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says "Text Me"
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@matt___nelson: DOG 911: what's your emergency? DOG: *whispering* they put me in a stroller DOG 911: *covers phone* WE'VE GOT A CODE SLIGHTLY DARKER GREY
@TheAlexP: A rabbit has a father who has a big hair care product empire and wonders if one day his child will become the Hair heir hare.
@imadepoopstoday: "Pull my hair, slap me, call me dirty names" - WTF? I've been doing this since kindergarten and always got yelled at.