@JermHimselfish: I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says "Text Me"
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@BlindChow: [hospital] Looks like ur Vine went viral. "Yay!" Sorry ur VEIN went viral…you have a fatal blood disease. "So wait–my Vine didn't go viral?"
@PunkHistory: "You gotta keep 'em separated!" -the dude from the Offspring whenever he's doing laundry.
@andrewdrafts: If I say "Bloody Mary" three times in the mirror in the dark I get a free drink, right?