@NichollsTerence: I want to go on the record by saying I love my family but if I have to spend any longer with them you'll be seeing me on the 6 o'clock news.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: Prank caller: Is your refrigerator running? Me: Of course. Can't have these bodies at room temperature
@Jayson_Two_time: Ummm yeah I want one of those phone case's where I can put my credit cards in with my phone so when I lose my phone I'm also broke. Genius!
@Los01001111: My Wife does this cute thing where she says that "actions speak louder than words" and then gets pissed at me for just nodding.
@murrman5: *wife sees me grab emergency kit from trunk after getting a flat tire* calm down brent just call a tow tru*I'm already shooting flare gun*
@vonTraphaus: Dance like you're not the father
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