@AphroditeAfter5: I want to grab some Mexican tonight and then maybe have some dinner with him
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@Pro_Jones_: Wife: Did you do the dishes like I asked? Me: Sorry I was busy W: Doing what? *cat rides by on Roomba wearing gladiator outfit* Me: Uh..
@DanMentos: dispatch: we have a home invasion robbery in progress on the far side of the lake rowboat cop: *grabs oar* I'll be there in 6 hours
@KeetPotato: [me and some other dude wearing the same shirt at a party] me: "how did we both fit in this lmao"