@AphroditeAfter5: I want to grab some Mexican tonight and then maybe have some dinner with him
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@kiel_phillips: ME: Dave's coming over for tea WIFE: Dave from work or Dave I'm having a secret affair with? DAVE: *from inside wardrobe* I don't eat peas
@JermHimselfish: My sense of humor is so dark that my grandmother would have been very unhappy if my sister went on a date with it.
@wankcity: "more like president PAJAMA" *obama jumps into pj's, congress full of 12 year olds is pleased*