@Cali_Kid_Mike: I want to hold you till the end of time, or until I have to pee.
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@Thedudish: It's been so long since I bought groceries, this morning I saw a c**kroach move out. "Good luck," he sighed, clutching his tiny suitcases.
@LurkAtHomeMom: Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you're interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn't our lawn ever look that nice?"
@DavidAndRobShow: Bae: come over. Me: I'm doing the podcast. Bae: come over. Me: nah, I'm doin the podcast. Bae: my parents are out. Me: they can download it.
@sofarrsogud: *Son storms in 'DAD! Teacher told me that hibernation is NOT a country of stoner bears and that you're to stop helping me with my homework'