@MauriceBlitz: I want to invent a nap time machine, which is a time machine that takes you to times you could've napped and didn't.
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@mrtruthandsoul: My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!
@Lowenaffchen: Glue a tiny mirror over your driver's license photo so when you hand it to the cops they get confused and start arresting themselves instead
@JessicaVarsity: If someone doesn't respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don't love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
@BuckyIsotope: Just beat Eminem 4000 straight times at musical chairs by playing "The Real Slim Shady" over and over.