@ashleyaustrew: I want to know what love is. I want you to show me. No, not you. You. On the left. Other left. No. Jesus Christ, I'll do it myself.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Carson: No it wasn't a friend it was a close family member. And I didn't stab her I froze her heart. "Sir, that's the plot of Frozen."
@BromanConsul: "Science HAS gone too far," I whisper, gazing out across the sea of boneless chickens slithering through the farmyard. The Colonel laughs.
@NurseMurderer: I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90's TV
@Jeff_Ross_MD: BREAKING: President Obama shows solidarity with victims in war-torn countries by posting another selfie with celebrities.