@Chyld: I want to open a pizza shop called "Cheesus Crust!" Our slogan will be: "Heavenly ingredients, served hot as Hell." -or- "Crust has risen."
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@edgarrants: Telling my wife I'm taking her someplace fancy is my way of getting 4 hours to myself while she gets ready.
@eddiesteadyno: The plan was to keep eating these alcoholic chocolates until I was either drunk or diabetic. I didn't bargain on "bankrupt" being an option.
@13spencer: New Neighbor: Hi, I'm Derek; I moved in downstairs. Me: I'm Spencer; I'll be looking in your window and judging your decorating choices.