@Chyld: I want to open a pizza shop called "Cheesus Crust!" Our slogan will be: "Heavenly ingredients, served hot as Hell." -or- "Crust has risen."
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@lovemydogduck: The best way to tell someone you don't like them is to text them 370HSSV 0773H and tell them to read it upside down.
@InternetHippo: “When someone is mad at you, that’s THEIR problem” and other advice from my upcoming book, ‘Where Did All My Friends Go’
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: I'm in the mood for dessert *winks at wife* [2 hours later] Wife: *in lingerie, texts* WHERE R U Me: *texts* Getting ice cream. Y?