@LindseyEllison2: I want to pick up a hitchhiker before I die. Not like right before I die, but you know.
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@DaddyJew: Daddy can u get me a drink? "No, you're 5yo you can get your own drink" Fine *goes to fridge "While you're there can you grab me a beer?"
@crunchenhanced: *Stands at produce aisle *Grabs GIANT zucchini *Holds it high in the air *Yells: Is THIS cucumber big enough for you, honey?!?!?!
@neiltyson: Dracula & other undead people who sleep in coffins must have good abs. They always rise up flat-backed when the casket opens.
@WilliamAder: There should be a "Life of Pi" TV show, where they throw a different D-list celebrity in a boat with a tiger every week.