@BlindChow: "I want to put a baby in you," I whisper to the microwave over the sound of the infant crying next door.
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@amishschool: Coworker left himself signed in to LinkedIn and now his skills include "mouth breathing".
@patnspankme: On this edition of House Hunters: He rides the back of trash truck, she's a nail tech. Their budget is $15M. Let's see what they can do!
@KarlreMarks: When I travel I just throw my clothes in a suitcase because I know as an Arab they will search me at the airport and fold my clothes neatly.
@Fred_Delicious: BREAKING: Pot calls kettle "black". "Racial tension at boiling point" says mayor of kitchen cupboard