@BlindChow: "I want to put a baby in you," I whisper to the microwave over the sound of the infant crying next door.
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@sugarboyfly: Listen guys, if a 5yo comes up to you and asks if it's true that zombies won't eat kids who eat their broccoli, BACK ME UP, DAMN IT.
@ericsshadow: CNN: President Obama Saves The Life Of A Choking Child. FOX: Failed President Obama Tries To Take Jobs Away From Hard Working EMS Workers.
@wilw: Cat: LET ME OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW LET ME OUT RIGHT NOW! Me: *Staggers out of bed. Opens door* Cat: *lies down on doormat*: You are dismissed.