@shutupmikeginn: I want to put a 'Honk If You Love Jesus' bumpersticker on a goose
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@RickAaron: This grocery store is playing "Freebird" which I interpret as an invitation to shoplift a turkey.
@LittleHarmonica: Men always say they like strong, smart women until you argue with them. And then they're all like: You talk too much....and I want my Mommy.
@ElgatoEsmio: At the state fair I realized none of my troubles matter when you dip them in batter
@TheTalkingPipe: It won't be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It will be my inability to know when I should or shouldn't laugh at something.