@shutupmikeginn: I want to put a 'Honk If You Love Jesus' bumpersticker on a goose
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@DomBorrett: I can't wait to find out who's playing Donald Trump in the next season of American Horror Story
@bridger_w: Yelp review: Excellent food, friendly service. That said, I did notice a smudge on a window and was forced to set the building on fire
@Ristolable: [At supermarket] "Excuse me do you work here?" WHAT? ME? Work HERE? Hell no. I went to college. I don't have a job
@protolalia: My ex DM'd me to say I'm acting creepy then unfollowed me. Luckily, I have his password so I just refollowed myself and told him he's wrong.