@NurseMurderer: I want to put hot dogs on my fingers so I have extra long, floppy, hot dog fingers.
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@NicestHippo: [college ad] High schoolers: You've sat in a chair for 4 years. How would you like to do that again, but this time at enormous cost to you?
@RocketRankoon: A little bit of rain and everyone forgets how to drive. Saw one guy try to start his car with a pancake.
@MollyRingwraith: If you're wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don't google 'old man bond age'