@NewDadNotes: I want to quit my job but my boss keeps swiping left whenever I tinder my resignation
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AlexvanBeek: You should feel pretty honoured if I subtweet you. But the tweet you think is about you, probably isn't. Twitter's hard. Get a helmet.
@KeetPotato: drummer: "just add er on the end of your instrument" guy who plays trumpet: "so im a trumpeter, ok cool" guy who plays trombone: "oh no"
@Alex_N_Chains: I think it's obvious that Goo Goo Dolls and Lady Gaga should do a side project together and call it Goo Goo Gaga.
@SodomyClown: I don't know what it means to "find your better half" but I hope my better half is a robot so that I can be half human half robot.