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@better_off_dad: ‘I want to see other families.’
~Me, saying grace at Thanksgiving
@OctopusCaveman: When the going gets stupid, the stupid, stupid harder.
@Lisabug74: If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
@simoncholland: You’d think for $40 they’d be able to cut anything but apparently my wife’s expensive craft scissors are not for opening ice pops.
@GoldenSpirals: Hit a squirrel with my car on the way home from the grocery store. If I knew that was going to happen, I wouldn't have bought all this meat.
@Sal_Stevens: Hey baby, I'm like Fred Flintstone I can really make your bed-rock. Also I live in a cave and don't have any electricity