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@better_off_dad: 'I want to see other kids.'
The act of licking afros.
@DirtMcTurd: When I meet someone new I shake their hand really fast and whisper "yes, please don't stop" because people need to learn not to talk to me.
@RobElliottComic: So everyone knows, it's frowned upon to yell "Hot potato" when someone hands you a baby and toss it back to them
@Playing_Dad: [At job interview]
Interviewer: So tell me why you want this job.
Me: I have no money and I prefer when I have money.
@tastefactory: [killer enters home in middle of night]
ME: Who goes there?
KILLER: Who still says "Who goes there"
ME: Ok laugh it up