@librarianfonz: "I want to take you home, pull off your jacket, run my hand down your spine and curl up with you on the couch." -- bibliophiles, to books
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@ArfMeasures: [Wife rubbing her temples after I told her how my job interview went] What...what do you mean, you "tried some breakdancing"?
@DomBorrett: I wish I'd worked to learn another language. Only so I'd be more believable when I use language barriers as an excuse to not talk to people
@nbadag: [to an inflatable tube man waving outside a car dealership] i feel like you're overreacting. these are moderate savings at best