@librarianfonz: "I want to take you home, pull off your jacket, run my hand down your spine and curl up with you on the couch." -- bibliophiles, to books
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@MichaelTrying: In the event of a robot invasion, show them a photo and ask them to point out the street signs. It fries their circuits and they explode.
@FBSisnothere: "Ladies, calm down. Girlfriend, wife, whatever. The important thing is that between the 2 of you, you brought enough to post my bail"
@astutenewf: 12: Dad, if Mary gave birth to Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of god, didn't Mary have a little lamb? Me: And you came with a no return policy