@The_Gonzi: I want to throw a party with fake alcohol and see how many people act wasted.
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@HalfBakedHoney: I can't wait to tell my grandchildren how many times I've survived the end of the world.
@HollyMemphis: Praying mantis walks up to his buddies with no head, "Guess who got laid last night?"
@theshamingofjay: You can tell a lot about a person based on how long it takes them to find the gun emoji.
@PoliUncorrect: *Crime Scene Cop: (cuffs the dog) Detective: what the hell are you doing? Cop: Sir, I think we're dealing with a shapeshifter