@parhwy: "I want u so badly" - Scrabble players with a q in their rack.
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@MaraWritesStuff: Hey kids, remember the feeling you got when you cleaned your room without being asked and no one noticed? That's what adulthood's like.
@NoLuckWanted: A guy just offered to buy me a drink. I declined, but heard him say lesbo to his pal. I replied "Only for you, baby". Now he feels special.
@ruinedpicnic: me: [spends $20 on a parody MAGA hat with a subtle change] anyone more than five feet away: oh look that person is a trump supporter
@daemonic3: This year I'm the Invisible Man for Halloween, according to this bartender that apparently hasn't seen me standing here for an hour