@ericsshadow: I wanted my girlfriend to give me some time alone so we got married.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@mattgallo123: My waterproof phone is advertised in commercials with people surfing and kayaking and here I am tweeting in the shower.
@bottlerocket: A guy just made fun of me for buying wine coolers at the store. I'm wearing crocs with socks and that's what you're going to make fun of?
@bearcub577: Telling my daughter garlic is good for you. Good immune system and keeps pests away.Ticks, mosquitos, vampires... men.
@AdamBroud: [Garden of Eden] EVE: If I eat the apple I get to leave? GOD: Get to? ADAM SANDLER: Eatin that appley bappodoodaly EVE: Yes, get to.